What to Do If You Slept with Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend…?

Ah, so the thing happened. You so wanted to remain pure before marriage, tried your best, but somehow, a very passionate moment led you to sin. Well, you’re here now, willing to “fix” it, even painfully knowing you cannot turn back time, no matter how much you wish you could. I am not going to judge you, dear reader. We all are just human beings and make mistakes – sometimes very painful ones. In this article, instead, I will tell you practically what to do if you slept with your partner. And you regret it.

I also committed some sexual sins I am not proud of, but guess what? Before I’ll lend you a shoulder to cry on and give you tips and tricks on how to move on, I need to say something very important.

What happened is not a surprise to God. He knew it will appear long before it took place. He is not shocked, alarmed or disguised by you. And there is more, which is actually the first step you need to acknowledge to deal with breaking premarital purity:

Remember that Jesus Has Died for This Sin

He went through torture and death for the sins of humanity – included the one you committed with your girlfriend/boyfriend. Acnoweledging that is crucial – if He has already paid the price for it, you don’t need to. Guilt, shame and fear are not the language of God – Satan communicates through them.

Be mindful of which voice you choose to listen to. Of course, it is normal you feel awfully ashamed, you’re full of regret, and feel like you failed, but do not dwell on these emotions too long.

Yes, you should be aware that you did hurt God, yourself, and your partner, and you violated God’s perfect plan for purity. But again, the price was paid, you don’t have any debt to pay. After you remind yourself of this simple truth as many times as your heart needs, make sure to:

Ask for Forgiveness

God’s forgiveness does not have limits, and the Bible encourages us to confess our sins to our Lord. So do it – I mean, really do it. Be vulnerable, let it out, share how much it hurts you, apologise… Be honest with God. Do not hold your feelings back, He is there to listen just as much He is there to forgive.

As soon as you truly ask for forgiveness – you receive it. I know it is easier to say than do, but you do not need to dwell on shame. Instead, you should also ask another person for forgiveness – yourself. It does not matter if you “initiated” the situation or rather went along, you probably feel disappointed in yourself. You’re supposed to represent Christ and you feel like you failed – well, let me put it this way:

If God Allmight has already forgiven you of this, who are you not to forgive yourself? Self-forgivness is sometimes the hardest, especially if we hold ourselves to a high standard. But it needs to happen – otherwise the enemy will keep on bringing this situation up against you, feeding you his lies. Do not let him. Defeat evil with good.

And finally, you need to ask your partner for forgiveness. After all, you’ve committed adultery with them. Yes, they should seek forgiveness from you as well, but instead of expecting to be apologised to first, be the one to make peace. Note that they might not be ready to forgive you just yet – especially when you’re a man and your girlfriend expected you to take the leadership in a way to purity. So give them time and space to heal. They will forgive you, eventually. And even before they do, you should:

Learn from Your Mistake

What caused the situation? Did you create an “atmosphere” for it to happen? Maybe it all started from a kiss (if so, head to “Can Christians kiss before marriage?” article). Whatever it was, make sure not to make the same mistake again. Doing exactly the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Ask God for guidance in recognizing these “triggers” and make sure to eliminate them next time. I would strongly suggest setting new boundaries. Just because you sinned once, does not mean you should give up altogether and fall into lust. Nope. You are still the Warrior of God and His ways apply to you. Don’t use the fact that you slept with your partner as an excuse to go further astray.

If you roll your eyes and think “No, I don’t want to change anything or set boundaries. I don’t want to limit myself”. Well, dear reader, believe me, I’m saying this out of love – if you view “rules” that help you stay pure as limiting, you are still a slave to sin and wordly thinking. God’s ways are the best and they offer true freedom. Even if the way to them is narrow.

These are the rules that I agreed on with my husband while dating and they helped many couples to stay on track – feel free to implement any of them to secure yourself and protect your purity, and also purity of your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Repent and Sin No More

Truth be told, you might still fall along the way. But receiving grace from God and making wise decisions will set you up for a success. I know it might seem hopeless, but believe me, you can still turn away, repent and choose light over darkness.

If you understood and accepted Jesus’ sacrifice, asked for forgiveness, learned what you can do differently next time temptation comes and repented… you can pray it never happens again. God will take care of you so do your best! (His 100% and your 100% is a powerful match!).

Need some more advice or counsel on that one? Do not hesitate to reach out to me. I answer to every message and comment!