Now, before I am accused of spreading heresy, kids are a blessing. Always. God clearly tells us to multiply, and being a parent is one of the biggest honors in life. I am by no means denying that. But at the same time, with this article, I want to prove to you that waiting at least a year, or even more, before growing a family after you get married can be a wonderful idea. There are a few good reasons why you should wait with having kids.
Also, please remember that having children is an individual decision. One couple wants to have as many as they can, the other one dreams of having one child. Some couples want to become parents quickly, and some prefer to wait. And it is all okay! There is no magical formula whatsoever.
At the same time, the majority of marriage advice I’ve heard right before getting married was “Don’t rush to have kids”. Christian, respectable marriages were sharing this tip, so I assumed there was something to it. Quickly enough, I’ve discovered – there is!
So I’ll give you great reasons to wait with children that contributed to us making a decision to wait a few years before we try to get pregnant. Oh, yeah, and about that – Christianity and anticonception. I’m sure you are interested in a read about that, so I’ll make sure to write an article about it soon enough.
But now, let’s dive right into the subject of why you should wait with having kids.
Let’s Talk Foundation
The base of the civilisation is a family. And family starts with a husband and a wife. So imagine this – you just got married, you are in your honeymoon stage, then one day… the bubble bursts. First issues appear, communication is not that easy anymore, and it turns out intimacy does not come naturally.
Then the hard work starts. Getting to know each other better, forgiving, praying, figuring things out. Your relationship is just starting to grow, and the more time you give it to do so, the more firm and beautiful it is.
A child who comes to a loving, harmonized marriage will feel much secure and emotionally stable vs a child coming to two people who barely know each other and behave like roommates rather than partners. Working through your issues and simply giving yourselves this time to learn and enjoy will only benefit your future kids. If it means a few months or years of “delay”, still, the little ones will be better off.
Creating a holy union of two people is not a piece of cake – it’s work that requires a lot of effort and intention. It is much wiser to build a solid house before inviting tenants to move in, right?
How much time is needed to build this foundation is, again, individual. Some couples need a year, some a few. Giving each other grace and simply, time, without pressure that you need to get pregnant here and now is loving – not only towards your spouse and yourself, but towards your future babies.
Also, this brings another reason why you should wait with having kids into the picture:
Let’s Talk the Bible
Many of you will disagree with me on this one, but I do think one has to live their own Song of Songs to be ready for children. Think about it this way – you and your spouse are like a tree. Like a union that should represent Christ and the church.
As Genesis 2:24 says: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Husband and wife become ONE. They are a base, their love and devotion are combined into an union – isn’t it truly amazing!
There is more to it, husbands should be ready to die for their wives: Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
And wives should submit and follow their husbands’ leadership in Christ: Ephesians 5:22-24: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.
It does not mention children as a part of this union. Why? Because the children are the fruit of it, not a condition. And before the tree is ready to give healthy fruit, it needs to grow. In love, respect, and all the qualities God expects us to nurture.
Of course, you will never be perfect. Waiting for the moment when you will feel like you are might not be a good solution. Yet, skipping the watering process can result in not only the trees falling apart but also the fruits falling out. That’s exactly why you should wait with having kids!
Why You Should Wait With Having Kids? Let’s Talk Romance
Romance and eros love is a beautiful and natural part of life. And let’s be honest – when you fall in love, you fall hard! So what a bliss it is to marry a person who your heart longed for. It is pure euphoria!
You want it to last. Not only because it feels good, but it builds the kind of love Song of Songs cannot stop talking about! Intimate, crazy, and so intense. And believe it or not, it does give glory to God. When you take all these emotions and passion and live it out with your spouse, God is thrilled that you are enjoying His gift.
This is like punching the enemy – he hates marriage. He hates faithfulness. He hates when married couples enjoy intimacy in a God-gloryfying way. You taking time to enjoy your romantic sphere of marriage is bringing you two closer together and to God.
Then, after you become parents, you have many beautiful memories to support yourself with when it gets hard. Romantic trips, late night talks, cute dates… Despite becoming older and older, the passion that you took the time to grow will thank you. If, on the other hand, you jump straight into parenting, you will not remember who you and your spouse were before it. The role parent will be your identity, when being a husband or a wife always comes before it.
The truth is (statistics confirm it!) that the healthiest environment for children to be raised in is when daddy and mummy are on one team. Children can never go between you and your spouse – it creates disharmony and mess. And to be ready to always prioritize your partner over babies, you need to work on your romance before it hits the obstacles!
Let’s Talk You and God
There is only one person who you should put above your spouse – Jesus! Investing in a relationship with Him is also time-consuming and, at times, challenging. But the more you grow in Him, the better gift of a devoted mum or dad you will give to your future babies.
So, why you should wait with having kids? Because God wants you to work out the issues. Or rather, let Him handle that, but also put in some effort. Let me give you practical examples. If I didn’t spend time to heal (and let God heal!) my eating disorders and hating my own body, I would be an awful mother who would most probably transfer these issues to my daughters.
If I didn’t dig into feminity, I would still be in my “masculine” era, creating a potential base for disaster in my family. Children need a mother and a father – not a father and a mother who pretends to be a second father! 😉
Again, there’s no expectation for you to be flawless once you decide to have kids. Nobody truly is! But I do think solving major issues is our responsibility. God’s blessing goes through generations, and if instead of letting that happen, we tightly stick to our generation traumas… well, there is a chance we will actually pass it further.
Also, let’s not let the world tell us the nonsense about “ticking time” or “you should have 3 babies by now!”. Oh, please. Growing in your faith and in your marriage is way more urgent than popping a soccer team out of your belly. 😉
Why You Should Wait With Having Kids: Conclusion
The reasons above are the main ones why you should wait with having kids. Not everyone needs to agree with me, and it is absolutely okay. But I know waiting to become parents was one of the best decisions me and my husband have made. After nearly 5 years, I can, with full confidence, say that I am healed from most of my past wounds. I am closer to God than I have ever been. My marriage is thriving.
My husband is more of a man of God than he was (I didn’t know it was even possible!). Our future kids will be so blessed and honored to have a father like Alex. And I know I won’t be that bad of a mum myself 😉 I can’t wait to bring our children into this world!
And I think even the feeling itself – that peace and joy – is reason enough to wait.